i had some ladies from the town over tonight, and it was giggly and there was wine and cheese and lots of salad and chocolate and a clothing exchange which was also friends running around on the deck in their underwear because who the hell is ever gonna see us back here and is this cute on me?

and more than one of us said this was SO FUN! i have a sink full of dishes, always a sink full of dishes and there is never a day in or out of time when there is not a sink full of dishes. Tomorrow I will rinse the remains of brie cheese, sunflower seeds, strawberry leaves and tahini salad dressing off of them. I will wash a sink full of dishes as I do every day, and i will stare out the kitchen window like everyone does when they do dishes and this time i’ll see this collection of women from New Jersey, California, Long Island, Pennsylvania, New York all sitting and laughing on this crumbling old back deck with the massive old braided floor rug covering up the boards so no one gets splinters, the bright orange patio umbrella and the crappy little folding table, lacy underwear and a bottomless bottle of wine, some cannabis passed around, dogs at feet and cat in a lap, tobacco flowers glowing in the new night under this dome of stars and space. Oh, the stars.

SO FUN.

And then here I am a few days into this cycle now, as things calm and relax and I don’t feel so… inflamed. It’s becoming an integrative time, a time to open the hips just a bit more, to sink into a deeper and more extended exploration of pain and release.

This is my process and it’s so personal, and it’s rational. The rational must remain dominant in order to keep from going over the edge. I’m building something with pieces salvaged from the things i am tearing down. It requires all of me right now. I am not ready to come to you yet but when I am, my desire will be pure and fierce and unattached.