meditation on delayed gratification

written in 2004 as a first attempt at spoken word in a writer’s group i was involved in back in Portland, OR. I had to get drunk as fuck to read it onstage and it just… Didn’t happen. I woke up hungover from wine and failure.

Never actually did wind up fully hooking up with the subject of this poem, tho obviously there were a lot of moments of deep, heavy breathing and claims of tantric practice. We were all part of a very messy and juvenile attempt at polyamory that ended badly. But hey… There’s this.


no one else will

brave the between –

you and i with

i and i

and eyes locked

we are soul gazing…

my body’s shaking,

heart’s smiling

oh my god you’re so

fucking amazing!

what flows between us

requires other people

to split in two

i know nothing of you

but the sound of your voice

and the strength in your hands

the shape of your lips

how YOU feel in MY hands

what i know is that

i ache all the time

from the profusion of joy

that i do quake in this state

from the coming fusion of we

that the brush of your hand

induces a spasm

makes me think about things

like prolonged orgasms:

like i said, my body’s shaking,

and sweat-making

this is spirit-moving

soulgasm, soulgasm,


oh yes i spasm

because i think about this

and i can’t even fathom

that it’s any better

than i can imagine

and that’s all i’ve got to go on –

thank god i’ve got a brilliant mind.

i am awake upstairs

awake down below

and awake in every space in between.

this house is a temple

and every room is alive –

all the lights are on

and from the street

i appear to glow

from inside.

i am runnin’ up the bill

an empty glass for you to fill

a full one for you to drink

if you’ll raise me to your lips

and sip slowly

i’ll intoxicate

unless you hesitate

and consider that

perhaps i’m poison

in which case…
…it’s highly likely that

i’ll inflict some damage.